Win a seventh Super Bowl, toss the Lombardi Trophy from your vessel to another during a boat parade, need assistance back on land after maybe a little too much avocado tequila.
That’s easy pickings for Saturday Night Live.
The late-night comedy show had some fun with Bucs quarterback Tom Brady, with “Weekend Update” co-host Michael Che introducing “drunk Tom Brady,” played by Beck Bennett donning a No. 12 Bucs jersey.
“Life’s good,” a slurring Bennett said. “I’m my own man now. I’m free to go day-drinking on my new baller boat and toss the Lombardi Trophy around without a care in the world.”
He lauded the added advantages of winning the title in the bay area, then took a shot at a certain NFL coach:
“Duh, it’s because I’m in Tampa now. I’m a Florida, baby. Yeah, they got boat parades on the water. And sunshine. And girls wearing these little bikinis. I’m not stuck in the freezer cold in Boston with the pilgrims and old man Belichick.
“You hear that, Bill? You’re not my dad anymore!”
Even the “trophy” was brought out, showing the wear and tear from a rough week of partying.
“I’ve been bringing this bad boy around with me, pretty much everywhere. Yeah, she’s a little banged up, but she still works,” said Bennett, using the bottom of the trophy to open a bottle of beer.
But, as often happens during a bender, melancholy creeped in.
“Another trophy. ... I just won the Super Bowl, probably going to win another one next year, too. My problem is, nobody likes me,” said a depressed-sounding Bennett. “I don’t know what I did so wrong. All I did was go out and win Super Bowls. Kept thinking maybe one more trophy and people are going to like me. Nope.”
Then Bennett broke out in boisterous celebration.
“Dude, I’m messing with you, Che,” he said. “I don’t care. People can say whatever they want. I’m the best damn quarterback ever. I feel great. My wife is Gisele. I only feel goooood.”
He finished with words to live by:
“Do not drink avocado tequila.”
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