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Is Taylor Swift a CIA plant? Is the NFL rigged? Have vaccines made us nuts?

John Romano | Go ahead and call it a conspiracy theory, but what if the previous 57 Super Bowls were all planned to lower our guard? Yeah, who’s crazy now?
 
Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce walks with Taylor Swift following the AFC Championship Game against the Ravens in Baltimore last Sunday. As the Chiefs head to the Super Bowl, conspiracy theories are spreading on social media suggesting that the romance betweenSwift and Kelce is part of a secret plot to help President Joe Biden get reelected.
Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce walks with Taylor Swift following the AFC Championship Game against the Ravens in Baltimore last Sunday. As the Chiefs head to the Super Bowl, conspiracy theories are spreading on social media suggesting that the romance betweenSwift and Kelce is part of a secret plot to help President Joe Biden get reelected. [ JULIO CORTEZ | AP ]
Published Feb. 3

The scene and celebration were exactly what you’ve come to expect from the NFL.

In the hectic moments on the field after the AFC Championship Game last Sunday there was music, laughter, tears and hugs. Lots of hugs. The bleachers in Baltimore were mostly cleared out as the visiting Chiefs prepared to step up on the movable stage to accept the Lamar Hunt trophy as conference champions.

And that’s when it happened. The final clue clicking into place.

Kansas City coach Andy Reid looked out at all the friends, family and associates milling around the M&T Bank Stadium field and the one person he spotted was Taylor Swift. The 65-year-old walrus-looking coach pointed at the 34-year-old pop princess, and she pointed right back at him.

Odd, don’t you think? Or was it recognition that they had pulled something off?

What if everything we knew about football is now in doubt?

What if the NFL really is a deep state operation?

This whole Travis Kelce/Taylor Swift romance is just a little too cute. And this idea that the Chiefs reached another Super Bowl sure seems suspicious.

I mean, the insinuations are all over the Internet so there must be something to it. After all, citizen journalism is entirely trustworthy. Otherwise, how would we have known that vaccines are a nefarious plot, Disney World is evil, and public school teachers are sinister. Also, Bud Lite is for pinkos and grooming is part of Target’s mission statement.

Think about it. Before now, what was the greatest conspiracy theory of the last century? The JFK assassination, of course. After the president was killed in Dallas by a team of Cuban/CIA/mafia shooters, the entire nation shut down in mourning. Except the NFL. Forty-eight hours later, they were tossing the pigskin across grassy knolls everywhere.

And that’s not the league’s only inexplicable story line.

Have you ever taken a close look at Vince Lombardi? Tell me that square head, buzzed hair and those thick-framed glasses don’t scream FBI. And a country bumpkin named Terry Bradshaw has four Super Bowl rings while Dan Marino has none? Please.

NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle, center, and the first draft choice of the 1986 NFL draft, Bo Jackson, right, in New York on April 29, 1986. Jackson, a running back from Auburn, was taken by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. At left: New York Jets running back Freeman McNeil, who was his team's first round draft choice in 1981.
NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle, center, and the first draft choice of the 1986 NFL draft, Bo Jackson, right, in New York on April 29, 1986. Jackson, a running back from Auburn, was taken by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. At left: New York Jets running back Freeman McNeil, who was his team's first round draft choice in 1981. [ RICHARD DREW | Associated Press (1986) ]

Think about early-era Bucs teams. They once passed on Hall of Fame running backs Tony Dorsett and Earl Campbell in back-to-back drafts. They drafted Bo Jackson and never signed him. Got Hall of Famer Steve Young in a supplemental draft and traded him a year later. Missed out on Hall of Fame defensive lineman Dan Hampton for a defensive lineman who retired two years later. Traded what would become the No. 1 pick in the draft for Jack Thompson, who threw 21 interceptions and was out of the league a season later.

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All within a 10-year span?

And we’re supposed to believe that was done willingly?

When you look at it that way, this whole Swift/Kelce business starts to come into focus.

The New York Times watched Kansas City’s past two playoff games and determined TV broadcasts gave Swift 32 seconds of air time during the Ravens game and 24 seconds during the Bills game. Combined, that’s almost a full minute of publicity during six hours of football coverage. Think about it!

Is it possible that Fox News host Jesse Watters was on to something when he suggested Swift might be part of a Pentagon psy-op campaign?

Seriously, what if the NFL has been playing a long-range game? Does it seem a little suspicious that Swift’s father was friendly with Reid when the Chiefs coach was with the Eagles? Or that nine teams passed on Patrick Mahomes just so he would fall to Kansas City in the 2017 draft?

Could Vivek Ramaswamy be correct that the Chiefs are destined to win the Super Bowl as part of a plot to ensure Joe Biden will be re-elected in November? Because that sounds suspiciously like when the CIA helped Elvis fake his death back in 1977.

Isn’t it reasonable, as former congressional candidate Mike Crispi argued, that “EVERYONE knows Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is fake and the Super Bowl is rigged. You’re a whacko at this point if you DON’T believe it.”

Doesn’t all of this sound totally plausible?

Or is it more probable that every man in America complaining about the NFL and Swift is just an impotent, weeny snowflake?

John Romano can be reached at jromano@tampabay.com. Follow @romano_tbtimes.

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