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Whose lunch table do you sit at when it comes to Tampa Bay sports personalities?

John Romano: We’ve got Hall of Famers, we’ve got grumps, we’ve got saints. If you had the choice, which clique would you join?
Which group would you sit with in the lunchroom? Table 1: Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, Jeff Vinik; Table 2: Warren Sapp, Nikita Kucherov, Jim Leavitt; Table 3: Tony Dungy, Ben Zobrist, Brittany Lincicome; Table 4: Steve Yzerman, Stu Sternberg, Tony LaRussa; Table 5: Jon Gruden, Hulk Hogan, John Tortorella; Table 6: Evan Longoria, Steven Stamkos, Gerald McCoy; Table 7: Joe Maddon, Simeon Rice, Barry Melrose; Table 8: Pete Alonso, Kevin Knox, Brayden Point; Table 9: Marty St. Louis, Kevin Kiermaier, Shaquem Griffin
Published Aug. 10

ST. PETERSBURG — If you spend any time on Twitter, you’ve probably come across the “Where y’all sitting’’ meme that exploded last weekend, reached Time magazine by mid-week and will be fossilized by Monday.

If you haven’t seen it, the meme is a bunch of lunch tables in the school cafeteria and you’re supposed to pick where you would sit.

One of the earliest versions included a different Justin Bieber song at each table, and readers were asked to choose one. It soon spread to all kinds of people/songs/movies and became a Rorschach-like test of social status.

For instance, do you sit with the jocks, the geeks or the goths?

So before it becomes too annoying — and we may have already missed that window — here’s a lunch table version for Tampa Bay sports. Choose your table carefully. Don’t forget, the school year is just starting, and it’s a long way until Thanksgiving break.

MORE SPORTS: State of Florida’s 50 greatest single-game college football performances

Table 1: The Do-gooders

Who: Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, Jeff Vinik

Advantages: They won’t make fun of you for wearing corduroy pants and adidas T-shirts every day of your entire sophomore year. (Not that I would have any personal experience with that.)

Disadvantages: Do you really want to confront your own inadequacy issues at lunch every day?

Table 2: Parents’ nightmares

Who: Warren Sapp, Nikita Kucherov, Jim Leavitt

Advantages: Nobody is going to mess with you at this table. Actually, nobody else may sit with you at this table.

Disadvantages: The possibility of being choked out.

Table 3: Parents’ dreams

Who: Tony Dungy, Ben Zobrist, Brittany Lincicome

Advantages: Your grades will automatically get a 5 percent boost by association. This has been verified by National Education Association data.

Disadvantages: Good luck getting anyone to buy beer for you on a Friday night.

MORE JOHN ROMANO: Life was almost always better with Don Banks around

Table 4: The brains

Who: Steve Yzerman, Stu Sternberg, Tony La Russa

Advantages: You’re privy to articulate discussions about world crises, socio-economic issues, innovations and political trend lines

Disadvantages: See above sentence.

Table 5: Class clowns

Who: Jon Gruden, Hulk Hogan, John Tortorella

Advantages: Laughter may be the only credible antidote for Tuesday’s Salisbury steak.

Disadvantages: Might want to keep your girlfriend away from Hulk.

Table 6: Populars

Who: Evan Longoria, Steven Stamkos, Gerald McCoy

Advantages: By force of personality, you can shepherd all of these pretty people into a dynamite a-cappella singing group that competes at nationals. Wait a minute, being told that’s the plot for the movie Pitch Perfect.

Disadvantages: Eventually, they will break your heart.

MORE JOHN ROMANO: Here’s why you should love that crazy guy doing pushups in Rays dugout

Table 7: Hipsters

Who: Joe Maddon, Simeon Rice, Barry Melrose

Advantages: Hardly ever return to class after lunch, and yet no one seems to notice.

Disadvantages: Do you really want to be the kid wearing a Kierkegaard T-shirt and drinking wine in the parking lot at Friday night football games?

Table 8: Underclassmen

Who: Pete Alonso, Kevin Knox, Brayden Point

Advantages: Sort of like hanging with the popular kids except they’re too young to realize you’re not cool enough to sit at their table.

Disadvantages: They still watch Nickelodeon.

Table 9: Overachievers

Who: Marty St. Louis, Kevin Kiermaier, Shaquem Griffin

Advantages: None.

Disadvantages: They don’t arrive with built-in popularity, then they make you look bad by outworking you every single day. No thank you.

John Romano can be reached at romano@tampabay.com. Follow @romano_tbtimes

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