I don't like clowns. Everyone knows it: colleagues, friends, my toddler — the teachers at his preschool recently sent home clown art with a little "haha" note.
While I have no clue where the phobia stems from, my mother just sent me a clue.
It may well be the Easter bunny's fault.
A photo from 1979 shows baby Ellen sitting dubiously upon the lap of a bunny with soulless eyes. Baby Ellen does not cry. Baby Ellen is a fool.
Back in 2018, I post the terrifying image on Facebook with the hashtag #murderbunny. My dad texts to say he saved me from the bunny's lap, it's all okay.
AND THEN MY MOM SENDS ANOTHER ONE!
Apparently unfazed by #murderbunny and the obvious malice in those eyes, they took me back to the same bun in 1982. This time though, my little face is fixed in obvious displeasure.
"As long as we're on the subject, age 3 Ellen bit the bunny immediately after this was snapped," mom reports.
Good job, 3-year-old me! I believe her, as I've seen that same face on my 3-year-old son right before he lashes out. Don't tell my husband, though. I like to keep up the illusion that all questionable behavior comes from his side.
The white face, the outlined eyes, the rabid toddler attack. It all comes back to the clowns.
For what it's worth, I've taken my own child to sit with a mall Easter bunny every year. The fact that costume technology has advanced to "cute" instead of "horror film" definitely helps.
And in other fun facts, my #murderbunny photos were both taken at Monroeville Mall, the suburban Pittsburgh shopping mall where George A. Romero filmed zombie classic Dawn of the Dead. Coincidence? I think not.
Now it's your turn. Share your scary bunny photos. Upload them to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram with #murderbunny.