For the last time during his City Hall tenure, Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn attempted to ward off the invading pirates of Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla.
Buckhorn took to twitter Tuesday morning to promise a "fight to the death" when the scallywags came to kidnap him from his office, but the buccaneers gave no quarter. The echo of distant gunfire ricocheted off downtown buildings as the Krewe descended on the mayor.
"We already have the police. We want the mayor. We demand the key," pirates shouted. "We came with beads, we're leaving with the key."
Buckhorn's fight was short lived. He said he was sleeping as he was quickly escorted to Lykes Gaslight Square Park where he made his last stand in protest as pirates continued their demands for the key to the city.
"You want me to surrender?" Buckhorn asked a gathering crowd.
"Nooooo!" they answered.
The pirates continued demanding the key, promising to return with a full invasion force.
"Hell no," Buckhorn shouted surrounded by a group of brightly colored pirates jangling with beads and necklaces.
"This is my last time. We're really gonna fight to the death this time," he said. "For once. For once, maybe we can win."
Gasparilla's Krewe promised a canon-laden and debaucherous return Saturday.
Contact Daniel Figueroa IV at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow @danuscripts.